Just a figment
by Purple Vomit
Summary: They were cartoon characters, drawn on paper, figments of the mind. So why, pray tell, was Naraku in her bathroom?


**Author's note: **Inuyasha does not belong to me. However Teddy's stupidity does. :')

Also, this story does have original characters, so if you're not into that stuff don't read it.

**Summary: **It all started with the bathroom, and then her problem grew. Unfortunately she didn't know it would end up with her being transported to a make-believe world.

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**Chapter One:**

**The Bathroom**

Something was poking her…something…_fuzzy_.

Her eyes fluttered open to spot the end of Teddy's foot right up against her face. Instantly she sprang up from her covers. "Teddy, remove your god awful foot from my face!"

Teddy's snore was the only response she got – no surprise there. This android teddy bear could sleep through Armageddon. Lowly grumbling, Jovana stood up from her bed and dragged herself to the kitchen. She shivered slightly when her warm feet made contact with the cold tiled floor, but surprisingly she managed to suppress a curse escaping her chattering teeth. Gods, walking through this hallway felt like some desolate tundra. It was if old man winter himself decided to break in and stay the night. Somehow in the pit of her gut she _knew_ Teddy was behind this.

Reaching the kitchen was like finally finishing cross country. You're just happy it's all over.

Without much enthusiasm she reached for her favorite Mickey Mouse bowl and Lucky Charms cereal, located on top of a stack of newspapers. Yes, she did leave it there the night before. In fact she relocated them from their previous positions – on top the tallest cupboard – so that she wouldn't have to pathetically try and reach for them in the morning. Yes, she was that lazy, and yes she did not care. Finally with the two desired items in hand she proceeded to the living room. It was only after she was seated that she remembered she forgot to get the milk…She'd have to get up…and _walk_…

_Ah, to hell with it!_

She never even liked milk. In fact she enjoyed her cereal without it. Save the cows! They already have enough problems with aliens abducting them on a regular basis.

Grabbing the remote she flicked on the television box and absentmindedly sat there, staring at the brightly colored screen – _like multi colored vomit_. The channel was left on YTV…and Lazy Town was currently showing.

She shrugged indifferently. It wasn't _so_ bad. After all Jovana _could_ relate to the show…

In fact if she ever got transported there she'd probably get along famously with that Rotten…Rotten apple…Rotten McRotten…guy…Well the villain!

Sighing she began pouring the cereal's contents into the bowl. Her hands reached for the empty lot beside her – where she _would_ have had a spoon waiting if she hadn't _forgot_ it! Staring back at the bowl Jovana began contemplating her options. They were scarcely numbered.

_This just isn't my day…_

Cupping some cereal in her hand, she popped the handful into her mouth. Every now and then she picked off some fallen pieces from the couch and her shirt. Another five minutes later she was finished eating and decided to get dressed. According to the news – (she was forced to change channels when everyone broke out into a song) – it was going to a cold and bitter Monday morning. Well, that's Canadian winter for you. Hopefully there would be no ice on the pavements today, because she wasn't in the mood to be slipping and sliding her way to school. Her rump was still recovering from Friday's fall. And she had Jennie to thank for that – who promptly decided to take Jovana down with her when she slipped. She replayed that oh-so painful moment in her mind as she directed her body back to her bedroom.

Half way through the hallway she lightly bumped into something.

"Jovana! Jovana!" She glanced down and saw Teddy. She was no taller than a mere child, yet what she lacked in height she made up for in her endless supply of random antics. However Jovana's sight was not fixated on her little frame. No, her attention was focused on her dark, chocolate colored eyes.

The concern look in them foreshadowed something amidst. If _Teddy_ is afraid, you _know_ something bad is about to happen. Desperate for a normal day, Jovana held on tightly to the possibility that Teddy clogged up the toilet – or stuck a game piece up her nose. "What is it?" She dispassionately inquired.

The little android pointed frantically at the bathroom door. "It's the bathroom."

Jovana blinked, then paused a moment in thought. And then she blinked once more. "_Yes_ Teddy…" Her voice was flat and lifeless. "That is the bathroom." The stupidity of this being never ceased to amaze her. Six long years Teddy stood by Jovana's side, six long years of utter mayhem. Of course in six years you become accustomed to the fact that…well…Teddy is an idiot. But somehow, in some unique way Teddy always managed to astound her – whether transforming Jennie into an octopus or teleporting her homework in another dimension. And yes, she did try and use that as an excuse. And no, it did not go so well.

Teddy shook her head. "No, no, I know that's the bathroom." She glanced back at it, as if it were something sinister. When she responded her voice was an octave lower. "…there's someone _in_ there."

Jovana blinked for a third time. She found it hard to believe such a statement. Then again, considering this was Teddy…

No, absolutely not! She would have noticed a random person waltzing into her bathroom. Right? "Teddy there is no one in the -"

The toilet flushed. Instantly Jovana's face was drained of all color – not that she had any pigmentation to begin with.

"See?" Teddy whispered fretfully, slowly backing behind her creator. "It's the toilet monster!"

"Listen…" Jovana did her best to sound convincing, but it was a little hard to do. What with a totally stranger taking a crap in her bathroom! "…It's probably just Naomi…I mean…she's probably back from…wherever the hell she disappeared off to."

Sure, _that_ sounded probable. Well certainly more probable than a toilet monster! Dear god, she had to hold onto to something!

"But…but…She's an android! She doesn't need the toilet!" Teddy all but wailed out.

That didn't help to build her confidence. In fact it down right murdered it. "Damn it Teddy, humor me, will you!?"

At that, Teddy's brow furrowed, naturally misinterpreting her words as literal demands. "Okay, sure." She paused a moment in thought. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Huh?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Teddy firmly repeated.

Jovana appeared pained with confusion. "Why did the…?" She slapped Teddy upside her head. "No you idiot, not that kind of humor!"

Teddy began rubbing the area of impact. "I'm sorry! It's just that this situation is really making me tense…" Her stomach lowly growled. "…and somewhat hungry, do we have anything to eat?"

"No!"

"Are you sure?" Teddy inquired.

"Yes!" Jovana reaffirmed.

"Did the cookie monster eat everything?" Before Jovana could rebuke the question, another flushing sound escaped from the bathroom. Biting her lip timidly she tried imagining the person – or thing – behind that painted wooden door. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, considering how horribly paranoid she could get, and the amount of horror movies her mind digested. Just then, a thought crossed her mind…why not phone the police? Inwardly she applauded herself, and her brilliant inventiveness.

"Teddy…" She glanced down at the worrying android, now biting her paw. "…go get the phone…and call the police. I'll watch the door."

She nodded and disappeared to the main room. Waiting for Teddy to return was like waiting for the world to end. All the while Jovana crept closer and closer to the door, tip toeing as if on air. She stopped, only an inch or so away and waited for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Teddy returned. Jovana glanced at the Teddy, then at the door, then back to Teddy, and then at the door. And then again she did another double take. Teddy held a frying pan in one hand, and phone in the other. On her head was a metal sauce pan, slightly titling to one side.

Jovana did her best to ignore the sudden usage of kitchen utilities as battle weapons. "Did you call the police?" She softly inquired; concerned her voice would be picked up by the intruder.

Teddy appeared perplexed and slightly lost. "You wanted me to call the police?"

She did _not_ just ask that. "Yes!" Jovana replied in a fierce whisper.

"Oh, I called Pizza-Pizza."

"Why would you do that!?"

Teddy quietly wailed in agony, clutching her sides. "Because I'm hungry!" The phone in her hand dropped roughly to the ground. Jovana eyed it with furious determination. She was not going to be brutally murdered by 'The Mysterious Crapper' on account of Teddy's symphonic stomach.

"Give me that stupid phone." She grabbed it and was about to begin dialing when Teddy decided to offer up a warning.

"I wouldn't do that…" Her voice sang out with a hint of caution poking out of her blissful tone.

Jovana eyed her incredulously. "No, I really think I should."

Another flushing noise brought both their attention to the door. Teddy wiggled her nose in extreme repulsion. "Whoever it is, they sure have some bowel problem." Jovana ignored the comment, reframing from picturing the horrendous state her bathroom was in. She went back to the phone and dialed the cops. When she brought the phone to her ears, a small static noise was the only signal she received. The damn thing wasn't even dialing!

Noticing the confusion written onto Jovana's face, Teddy giggled nervously. "Oh…yeah…I forgot to tell you that night last I accidentally dropped the phone into the toilet…while my hands were covered with butter."

Instantly, the phone was dropped. Jovana's head slowly turned so she could glare daggers at the incompetent before her. "You know…it _helps_ when you tell me before I handle the damn thing." She muttered through grinding teeth.

Teddy casually shrugged, with absolutely no concern present. "At least the toilet water cleaned it, right?"

A moment of silence befell the place, a moment where Jovana contemplated just kicking Teddy in the face. Instead she fought that sudden urge, fought the natural instinct and concentrated her thoughts on what to do next. She decided she was going to get no-where with precautious and rational thinking. She opted for recklessness and meaningless violence.

Just as she kicked the door wide open, another flush filled the interval of silence. Of course when Jovana finally did get a proper look at her intruder she had to admit…_this_ was the last person she would have expected.

Her mouth hung open for a second or so, before she promptly composed her self. _This_ was not happening. She was _dreaming_. She was on _drugs_. Whatever the hell she was on; this was certainly a product of it. Because deep down inside she knew there was no possible way that Naraku was here in the flesh, flushing her toilet incessantly, staring at it with a mixture of perplexity and curiosity, and now eyeing her with a blank expression written across his face.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…" She continued on in this manner for a few more seconds. "…no, no, no, no, no, no…" Her mind was a mess of gibberish, mostly comprising of the lines: holy11!!Shit! 37! whatthehell5684!!!!!11. "…no, no, no, no, NO!"

By the time she was finished, Teddy returned with a bag of chips.

Seething, she reached for the knob and tightly shut the door, catching only a glimpse of Naraku's deadpan face. "Stay there until I find a way to get rid of you!" Turning sharply, she faced Teddy, now with fear perfectly painted over her facade. Her mind racing blindly with an abundance of curses and horrible phrases. "Did you see that?" However her voice portrayed her unparalleled disbelief.

A small ruffling noise was created, as Teddy slowly reached within her Lay's bag and retrieved a tiny chip. She popped it into her mouth, and chewed for a quick interval, making annoying and unwelcome crunching noises. Finally once she was done she answered, with a slight nod. "Yeah, that's a very creepy looking lady."

"That's no lady, that's Naraku!"

It took a good second for realization to finally dawn on the android. Suddenly _everything_ made sense, like a jig-saw puzzle coming together. "Oh!" She chirped. "Well no wonder he has so much hair, he's like some monkey, right?"

The door creaked to half open, with Naraku glaring through in extreme discontent at the little bear. His voice ridged as he corrected the strange creature. "_I_ am a demon, whose very presence strikes fear within-"

"I said stay in there!" Jovana closed the door once more, refusing to release the knob until she was certain he would not try and open it again. "And stop boasting false facts; you're just a half demon!"

From inside the bathroom a low, sharp growl escaped. Knowing this was a warning Jovana quickly grabbed the knob, afraid he would come out and slash her neck open. She waited for a good minute, until silence enveloped the other side of the door. Thank god he was one _lazy_ demon, right? And thank god he wasn't a mind reader – otherwise she'd probably be dead by now.

"I think he's mad." Leave it to Teddy to state the obvious. Reaching once more into her plastic bag she pulled out another chip and bit into it. Small little crumbles adorned her red body suit; however she paid little attention, her thoughts focused on the intruder. "What should we do?"

Her eyes met with Jovana's, whose frame shrugged out of loss for words. She knew she had to think of something and quick. _He_ certainly wasn't going to stay in there forever.

Lost in her own little world of decision making and contemplating Jovana made the error of leaving the door. It wasn't much of a gap, but Naraku sensed her presence ease off against the door and further down the narrow corridor. Taking the opening to his full advantage he flung the open door, startling the two and nearly causing Jovana a fatal heart attack.

"Jesus, what is _wrong_ with you? Are you trying to kill me?" Jovana placed a clutched hand over the area of her beating heart.

The question wasn't truly meant to be answered. Naraku however, humored her. "Disrespect my authority again and I shall be forced to, _girl_."

Even Teddy, the moron who was constantly in a state of ignorant bliss backed away. She didn't want any trouble. She certainly didn't want to have her ass handed to her by a _monkey_. That would no doubt give Naomi much needed source material for jokes. "Listen lady, we don't want any trouble."

"I'm a man." He dryly stated, narrowing his eyes ever more slightly.

Teddy blinked dubiously. "A what?"

She glanced over to Jovana for reassurance. "Listen." Jovana snorted indifferently. "I don't care if you're the Dalai Lama. You can't just walk into someone's bathroom and take a -"

"Is he a spider or a monkey?" Teddy interrupted; hop-scotching from thought to thought. "…Because I've never understood that part." In the background, Naraku had begun to close off his mind to the useless yammering of the girl and her strange pet demon. Of course, _this _little inquiry suddenly caught his undivided attention. Why did this demon speak on such familiar terms with him? The confidence she demonstrated in her knowledge of him – _like she knew him_ – rose a burning curiosity within him.

The slightly over hysterical girl answered with a contemptuous tone. "He's a monkey who thinks he's a spider that enjoys really shiny objects, okay?"

It dawned on Naraku that the two had completely forgotten about him, lost in their idle chatter. It was amusing, yet completely juvenile.

Teddy crumpled her Lay's chip bag and threw it causally over her shoulder. "But why does he like shiny objects?"

"I don't know." Jovana wearily continued. "He's a monkey, aren't monkey's stupid?"

"I can't possible argue with that logic!" Teddy exclaimed, convinced.

"He's also _lazy_, too." Jovana distastefully added in.

At that, Naraku could not remain silent. Her sheer audacities made him want to backhand her and twist her neck loose. "_Girl_…" His deep and cool poured maliciously out, threatening to engulf the entire apartment in darkness. "I've warned you before about disrespecting me."

The girl's neck snapped in action, her face now holding a glare of aggravation and accusation. "Disrespect? You want to talk about disrespect? How about randomly materializing in my bathroom and using my toilet without given permission! Now _that_ is disrespect! And are you suffering from diarrhea or something? _STOP FLUSHING THE DAMN THING_!" She seemed ready to tackle him with such fierce passion – he only witnessed it once before, with that strange miko. However, whether courageous or simply angered, Naraku wasn't entirely amused. Unlike the miko, this girl was excruciatingly _loud_, and vexing.

"You dare raise your voice in anger at me?" A hint of annoyance poked through his calm elevated voice.

"Yes, yes I do!"

And with that remark he raised his hand, fully intent to strike her across the face. Already sensing his movements Teddy grabbed Jovana by her shirt, and roughly pulled her back, sending her tumbling to the ground. A deafening noise followed after. The blow intended for her broke through a small wooden shelving unit, casting an array of flying splinters through the air.

Teddy countered with an equally strong kick, landing directly in his gut and sending him flying back into the bathroom. He landed nimbly in the tub, with the torn shower curtain draping over his fallen form.

Frantically searching her surroundings, Teddy decided on the only course of action presently available. "Barricade!" Such a tactic was done to perfection, taking to account Teddy's incredible ability in breaking things. She made easy lumber from the coffee table, dinning chairs and computer desk. In another split second she was mounting the pieces up against the bathroom door, nailing his only escape route shut.

Jovana only had to blink, and the door was completely closed off. She felt relieved, along with an immeasurable desire to bloody murder the Halfling! Naturally this desire prevailed over the lingering fear dwelling inside. As much as she hated to admit it, she was afraid. For that one split second she thought she was a goner – her face smashed to bits in a splatter of blood.

From a foot away, Teddy sighed, sinking to her knees. "I'm getting this _strange_ feeling that he's mad at us."

Jovana didn't even bother to comment on that. She was stilling trying to catch herself. Next time, she'll make sure to stand back several feet – a reasonable length to avoid another close encounter with baboon man.

"So…what do we do now?" It was a question Jovana had no answer to. Surely this was another divine payback, or karma…

As the toilet once more flushed, she knew it was plainly obvious…

"…somewhere…up in heaven…God is laughing at me."

Reverting back to her child-like state, Teddy began joyously clapping her hands together in bliss. "Can I laugh at you too?"

Jovana didn't even meet her abnormally sparkling eyes. "No."

She knew she had to think of something, and quick, before she had to use that bathroom herself. Maybe if she prayed hard enough, Naraku will fall face first in the toilet and drown.

_Yeah right, and maybe Teddy will finally grow a brain too._

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**End of Chapter One**

So, what'dya think? To be perfectly honest I hadn't any intention for the chapter to turn out so...long. I sort of got carried away with the typing, I suppose. xD


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